I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
