scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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