I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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