And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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