i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
how does that bad decision feel?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
