you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
