I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
