I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
