I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
