this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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