pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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