So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize