I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
