I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
