I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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