its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
