I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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