If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
