...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
