He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
