the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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