Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
