The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
