i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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