turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize