So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
