help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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