I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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