I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
