So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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