Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
