community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize