Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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