gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
