my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
