I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
