I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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