I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
