I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
