I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
