so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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