If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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