4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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