I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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