This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
