ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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