I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
