he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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