I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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