i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
