i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
