on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize