if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
