lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
