Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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