also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
