How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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