I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
