my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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