is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize