So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
