I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
