My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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