you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
