Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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