Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
