this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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