she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
