Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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