Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
