The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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