i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The struggles of a small town man whore
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
