I wanna passion pit in your ass
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
