i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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