I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
