Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
