Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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