i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
