that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize