last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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