highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
