Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
