I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
