i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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