can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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