I think I just saw someone hide a body.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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