giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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