just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
