even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
