Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
