Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
