my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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