Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
