i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
