I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
