VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
