You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
