allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
