If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he thought i was a dude.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize