i can't believe i had my finger in that
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
