I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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