I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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