YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just made out with a guy for $7.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
