My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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